Stupid, Scared or Complacent?
So, I am volunteering once a week at a women's domestic violence support group. I attended the first session this week and came home in tears! It just awoke so many different emotions in me.........some that were expected and still others that I can't quite understand. What causes two people, who once professed love for each other, to hate each other or treat each other so wrong? The biggest surprise for me was that most of the women in the group were court ordered to attend the group. From most of their stories, the women were just pushed to their limits, and the one time they decided to fight back was the time the men in their lives called the cops on them and had them arrested. Nevertheless, the majority of them did not seem to look at their being in the group in a negative way. They are just so desperate for some help that they are willing to try anything. Now, this is by no means a male-bashing blog. I believe that there are some wonderful men out there. However, they are few and far between. Hate me or love me, that is just what I have seen during my few years on this precious earth. What I cannot, for the life of me, understand is why we, as women, put up with it.
I am a product of a violent home and I guess that has in some part jaded my view of men. Whichever way you look at it, there is no denying the violence and hurt that men put women through. As I looked around that room at the women who looked just like me.......(regardless of race, height or weight..............they are human beings) the one thing that I heard echoing again and again was the phrase "I just want to be happy". Not rich, not beautiful but just happy.
I don't think I am stupid, my mother is definitely not stupid, and from what I could see, the women in that room are not stupid. For a multitude of reasons they choose to "stand by their man" until the very worst happens and they can take it no more. My mother did it for 20 years. Women are still doing it and will continue to do it. Even when it is crystal clear to everyone else that the situation is hopeless, the women hold on. Some out of fear...........yet others for their kids........and the list goes on. One women actually lied that she had hit her husband and ended up in jail. All to protect her husband who is an illegal immigrant and may have been deported.
Another woman continues to live with her husband out of fear, despite the fact that he is growing illegal substances in their home. I guess I would too if he had as large a cache of guns as she described.
Yet another woman had actually moved to a different state where she knew nobody, because she was in hiding from her husband!
Where does it all stop? Some days I wonder what it will take for God to end the world once and for all. There are too many people living in misery! Domestic violence, perpetrated by anyone, is deplorable and inexcusable. The solution , I believe, lies in the way we raise our kids. So I guess, we as a society, are responsible for how far things have gotten out of control. We just can't seem to find our way back..........I wish it were possible for everyone to be happy. And if people had to be unhappy, they were unhappy because they wanted to be, and not because someone else forced it on them!
I am a product of a violent home and I guess that has in some part jaded my view of men. Whichever way you look at it, there is no denying the violence and hurt that men put women through. As I looked around that room at the women who looked just like me.......(regardless of race, height or weight..............they are human beings) the one thing that I heard echoing again and again was the phrase "I just want to be happy". Not rich, not beautiful but just happy.
I don't think I am stupid, my mother is definitely not stupid, and from what I could see, the women in that room are not stupid. For a multitude of reasons they choose to "stand by their man" until the very worst happens and they can take it no more. My mother did it for 20 years. Women are still doing it and will continue to do it. Even when it is crystal clear to everyone else that the situation is hopeless, the women hold on. Some out of fear...........yet others for their kids........and the list goes on. One women actually lied that she had hit her husband and ended up in jail. All to protect her husband who is an illegal immigrant and may have been deported.
Another woman continues to live with her husband out of fear, despite the fact that he is growing illegal substances in their home. I guess I would too if he had as large a cache of guns as she described.
Yet another woman had actually moved to a different state where she knew nobody, because she was in hiding from her husband!
Where does it all stop? Some days I wonder what it will take for God to end the world once and for all. There are too many people living in misery! Domestic violence, perpetrated by anyone, is deplorable and inexcusable. The solution , I believe, lies in the way we raise our kids. So I guess, we as a society, are responsible for how far things have gotten out of control. We just can't seem to find our way back..........I wish it were possible for everyone to be happy. And if people had to be unhappy, they were unhappy because they wanted to be, and not because someone else forced it on them!
posted by Anne-marie @ 2:55 PM
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